Fed Up

“This piece was created from a deep exhaustion – an exhaustion with being Aboriginal and with the complicated reality of being “white-passing”. There are moments when my indigeneity becomes public property, when I’m treated like a walking library: expected to educate, explain, argue, defend and perform knowledge on demand. Carrying that emotional load is heavy, and sometimes the urge to “turn it off” feels tempting to stay quiet, to lie, to rest. But that thought is quickly followed by guilt. The ability to rest from your identity, even momentarily, is a privilege and wanting it can feel selfish. It is also impossible to turn “it” off because, I “am”. Being light comes with another burden. It creates a false sense of safety for others, people reveal their racism freely, assuming I am not Indigenous. In those moments, you see the truth of how comfortable some people are with being cruel when they think no one is watching. The goanna in this piece represents my Wiradjuri totem. He is fat, overfed, sluggish and fed up, both literally and metaphorically. He carries the weight of being what he is, unable to change himself no matter how tired or gross he is made to feel inside. I painted him in a deliberately basic AI style, paired with the word “yuck,” because that was the honest reaction I felt while making this work. It’s also a response to the overuse of AI in Indigenous spaces, and the hollow repetition of phrases like “rich tapestry,” which flatten culture into something consumable. This piece sits in that discomfort resentment, guilt, fatigue and refuses to dress it up nicely.”